Decisions

Respectfully submitted by AmarasPen (follow her on Instagram where she has the most delicious posts)

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11:11 PM blared in deep red numbers on the nightstand at my bedside. I lay there wide awake. I could hear my phone buzzing repeatedly. I knew this would happen. The minute I decided to call it a night the calls began. Why do I even allow myself to do this? Maybe I should just ignore the calls and put the phone on silent.

I climbed out of my bed to do exactly what I said. I grabbed the phone from its charging cradle and changed the setting from vibrate to silent. I looked at the glowing screen. At some point I missed two text messages. Both were from him.

*Are you mad? I’m on my way*

*I know you’re home. I love you*

I just shook my head. Love didn’t mean I was happy with the current situation. Or that he could stop by. I didn’t realize how much time passed while I was lost in thought about a debate my mind was on the verge of losing once again to my torn heart. The doorbell sounded, even though it was after eleven at night and even though all of the lights in my house were clearly off. I tip toed carefully from my bedroom to the living room.

“I know you’re standing at the door.”

Frozen at my front door. Right hand resting on the knob giving logic a final chance to make my body turn around and walk away. No reason popped other than why not. I unlocked it.

“It’s late.”

“I know.”

“You’re going to disturb my neighbors with the noise.”

“I don’t care about your neighbors. I’m here for you.” I stepped to the side so he could get inside. We stood there lingering near the door. Standing just a couple feet from each other.

“Why are you here?”

“What do you mean? I needed to see you.”

“That was a want, not a need.” I replied. I meant it, but it was the same cat and mouse game that was our cycle. A constant push and pull that hadn’t changed from the day we met.

“Do you not want me here?” Just that easily the ball was in my court. Would I really tell him to leave? We both knew the answer.

“I didn’t say that.” I cursed myself for not telling him to leave. I wanted him, but I needed it to be on my terms instead of him just showing up as he pleased. He didn’t have any claim to just show up at my home. Had I mentioned that to him, I already knew what the response would be. Accepting his presence, I strolled to the couch and took a seat. His eyes never left my figure from the moment I took my first step. He watched carefully like a tiger visually stalking its prey deciding how best to strike.  The intensity of his gaze unnerved me. I sat a little taller and crossed my arms.

“So, what’s going on?”

“Just wanted to be in your presence.” He sat within inches of me, as if there wasn’t more space available. He opened his arms and I leaned in for his embrace. I curled up in his strong arms, inhaling the aroma of sandalwood mixing with his natural scent. Once I exhaled and relaxed he took it as a sign of welcome. He released me and leaned back on the couch, pulling my feet with him. He began massaging my feet.

“How was your day?”

“It was okay. I’m preparing for teacher conferences. Lots of long days.”

“But then you get a vacation.”

“Yea, I plan on enjoying every moment of it. Not being in this city.” I dropped that information to let him know not to try stopping by.

“Oh yea.” He caught on to my hint and countered. “You and your girl friends have a getaway planned?”

“Yea, me and some friends.”

“Am I invited?”

“Do you even have the time to get away?”

“Of course, so where are we going?” I loved the not so subtle emphasis on we.

“Maybe we can go another time.” I would like to go with him but it would need to be planned out and when things were better.

“You don’t wanna go with me?”

“I just have other plans.” I continued to explain because the look on his face said he was going to think there was someone else. I could have let him think it, but I was just tired of the games. “I just need a break away from everything.”

He lifted his head and studied my face. No words were spoken. I diverted my gaze from his to avoid sharing the answers for each question painted in his expression. Minutes passed when it looked like he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. For that I was thankful. I didn’t really want to discuss the topic any further. He moved my feet from his lap and asked that I scoot closer.

He nestled up to me, slowly grazing my neck with his lips. He snaked his left arm around my shoulders pulling me closer; holding me. “It’s okay, I understand.” He whispered and placed his lips on mine. I parted my lips, giving him permission to go further. Nothing was solved but why not indulge when he was here and wanting me like I wanted him. His kisses trailed from my lips, back to my neck and down to my breast. I lifted my shirt giving him access to more than just cleavage. I exhaled the moment his mouth made contact with my nipple. He teased; circling his tongue around each peak before sucking. My pearl throbbed in response the stimulation. He nestled his right hand between my thighs reaching into my boy shorts he began massaging my pearl at the same tempo as his mouth sucked my breasts. Watching him work was intoxicating. I leaned back to get a better view. His mouth moved leaving my breasts aching for the return of his touch. Our eyes met. His gaze dared me to break mine. I challenged him to make me look away. His hand glided easily from my clit to my opening. Two fingers playing inside of me, bringing my close to orgasm. He increased his pace knowing the moment was near. My breathing deepened to prolong this feeling. The buildup was overwhelming. I tried to center my thoughts until I couldn’t hold back any longer. My pussy shuddered while his fingers still lay buried inside. He slowly dragged them out, knowing what it was doing to me. I rested my head and tried to catch my breath. Before I could recover the void of his fingers was replaced with his tongue. The first strokes were slow and deliberate. He took his time savoring me. It was a struggle maintaining sanity. Every flick of his tongue made sanity a fleeting reality. I didn’t care. He could keep do whatever he wanted as long as he kept me feeling like this. At the rate he was going I was certain my neighbors knew what and who I was doing. I grabbed ahold of his head as the last bits of lucidity escaped in mangled cries. The second orgasm was amazing. I was floating but needed more to satiate my hunger. He was an expert at reading my body, and knew what I craved. He saw me ogling his length. I was hungry for more. He woke the siren in me who desired nothing more than to feed from his manhood. “Sit back. I wanna taste you.”

When he was seated; I crawled and positioned myself ass up and face down in his lap. Too eager to tease I opened wide and took him into my mouth from tip to the base of his shaft. Up and down several times, slowing just to twirl my tongue on the head. He groaned. “That’s right baby, no hands just like Daddy taught you.”  I pulled back and stared hungrily at his dick. It glistened from a mixture of saliva and the precum that oozed in anticipation. I smiled and greedily went back to work stroking him fully. I traced the vein with the tip of my tongue. My mouth watered while I worked. I held nothing back in my oral assault. If my hands weren’t massaging his balls then I used my tongue. I was a woman in need. I sucked, slurped and enjoyed the taste of him. I took in every last inch until his tip tickled the back of my throat. He moaned in realization of how deeply I was able to take him in. I slowed my stroke to let him feel his dick touching my uvula. He was speechless and stared in amazement. I loved having him like this. Knowing he was paralyzed with pleasure because of me was such a heady feeling. It gave me such a rush of power. It encouraged to work harder. Every time I felt he grew accustomed to the tempo, I sped up. I alternated the rhythm; slow at first to let him enjoy the show and just when he thought he regained control I increased the pace to bring him back to the brink of insanity. I felt it the moment he lost the battle of control and released his seed. I drank from his fountain and savored the taste of his cum. I drank allowing the creamy sustenance to coat my taste buds and ingested his essence.

When our bodies finally connected, it was more than sex. It was worship. It was praise. I was the highest form of communication. As we articulated everything we held inside and it manifested into something powerful.  Our bodies clapped in celebration of our union. My breasts bounced continuously in response to the constant motion. Fuck my neighbors, I thought as I screamed out in appreciation. His left hand held my head in place, pulling my hair while his right gripped my hip for stability. He pounded into me and I arched and caught every thrust. I threw it back as good as he gave. My pussy clinched deliciously while adjusting to accommodate his size.

“So where you think you going?”

“Huh?”

“You were talking all that shit earlier. You tryna go out and meet someone?” I was so baffled. How was he able to hold a conversation? I was struggling to form simple words, and here he was trying to interrogate me.

“No!”

“You sure?”

“Yes!”

“That’s right, who this belong to?” As the conversation increased, so did his pace. Each thrust more aggressive than the last. I could feel the orgasm building, the tingling sensation quickly igniting my nerves. His palm came down hard on my (bare) ass, bringing me back to reality. I cried out. “I can’t hear you!” He roared.

“It’s yours!!!”  His hand came down again. My body was on fire. Then line between pleasure and pain blurred.”  I lost myself in the explosion, convulsing as each wave of ecstasy rippled throughout my body. We collapsed; sweaty and trying to regain our senses.

We lay there breathless, wrapped in each other. He lay his head on my chest, listening to my heart beat. I took a few deep breathes in attempt to return my heartbeat to a normal pace. The moment was so peaceful, but I knew it was anything but that. There would be no falling asleep in each other’s arms. It was only a matter of time before he got up to shower before heading home. I was tired of the routine, but had not worked up the courage to end the cycle.

“What’s on your mind?” His words rang out breaking the silence.

“Nothing.” I lied, not ready to start down this path.

“Something is bothering you. I can tell.”

“It’s fine.” I shook my head, pleading for the topic to change.

It’s okay.” He kissed my forehead. “It won’t always be like this, I promise.”

There was that word. The promise that everything would be okay and work in my favor. His promises never came with a timetable. I was supposed to wait at his whim. All waiting did was limit my options. In a perfect world this wouldn’t even be an issue, but it’s not perfect and I chose to stay in this situation.

He stood and pulled me up with him. “C’mon, let’s go take a shower.”

There was the moment of my unescapable reality. I smiled softly but my eyes held all the sadness I felt. We walked into the bathroom and stepped into the shower. We showered, silent sharing intimate touches. Him holding me lovingly, kissing me while the water cascaded down us both removing the evidence of our escapade. I wrapped myself in my towel and waited for him to dry off and get dressed. He dried off then walked into my room. Confused, I followed. He lay in my bed as I stood in the doorway watching.

“What are you doing?”

“Going to sleep. Come lay with me.” He stated casually, as if this were a normal occurrence. Hesitant but curious I crawled into my bed. He wrapped me in his arms; his chest to my back. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I didn’t question his actions. I just enjoyed the moment. The tempo of his breathing and his embrace lulled me into a peaceful slumber.

The glow of the early morning rays peeking through my bedroom window woke me up. Turning slightly, I saw him still asleep beside me. Sensing my movements he opened his eyes.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning.”

He pulled me close to him. The evidence of his arousal pushing against my lower abdomen. He rolled me onto my back and climbed over me. I spread my legs and welcomed his possession once more. Each movement was meticulous; spreading me apart with just the right pressure. Deliberately taking his time with the delivery of each stroke.  Slowly bringing my desire to fevered need. Moans were muffled by the interlocking of our tongues. My hips moved complementing his every thrust.  Holding on tight to one another as desperate need raged  throughout our bodies.  Waves of elation came crashing into me as my walls greedily spasmed against his manhood bringing him to climax. We lay there in a post coitus induced stupor.

He got up and went to the bathroom. While he showered I made my way to the kitchen and brewed coffee in my Keireg. Moments later he joined me in the kitchen fully dressed.

“Would you like a cup a coffee?” He nodded yes and I poured his in a to go cup.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. “

“I mean for everything…. Being understanding.”

I shrugged. He leaned towards me and I wrapped my arms around him. “I’ll call you later.”

We kissed and I watched him walk to his car. Slowly, I locked the door and strolled to my couch. Before I could get too comfortable my phone buzzed.

*I love you.*

I responded *I love you too (kissy face emoji)* and leaned back against the pillows. I sat there just thinking. Spending the night was new and I wondered how he pulled it off.  Maybe things were changing for the better or maybe he was taking measures to buy more time. Either way we both knew our cycle was just reset.

Until next time…